When is the last time I truly breathed; got into my mind, body, and spirit, and truly breathed into those deep places within myself? I feel like I am always running through life taking short, hurried, exhales—trying to keep up with the busy, often anxiety-ridden pace of my lifestyle—aka motherhood.
At 2 am—unable to sleep from my husbands coughing and my 1 year old waking from sickness—I took a moment to breath. While scrolling through my Facebook posts, I was blessed to happen upon this TED talk.
First let me say that this is a message EVERY woman—EVERY mother—and anyone who supports women needs to hear. Dr. Libby Weaver has officially become my mentor; I only wish there were more doctors like her in the world, giving patients THIS kind of PERSCRIPTION.
Two different subjects I have been mulling over since listening to her address:
1) Women/Mothers Being Undervalued
2) The Unbalanced Life of a Woman/Mother
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Women/Mothers Being Undervalued
Libby's comment about women having 3x the job load—just in motherhood and taking care of household duties alone—than that of men who leave home to work one job, resonated with me. I am a mother, a teacher, a maid, a doctor, a psychiatrist (which is 5 jobs alone), a financial planner, a decorator, an organizer, a party planner, a cook, a homemaker, a spiritual guide, a personal shopper . . . 24 hours a day, 6-7 days a week, getting paid absolutely no salary. There is no break to self-rejuvenate; any and all breaks are either used to nap so I can keep my energy levels up and manage two toddlers, prep for activities or meals, make sure the house is in order, pay bills, and the other plethora of duties required just to keep a home of 4 afloat.
The feminist within me finds it so fascinating that in 2014 the job of Motherhood is still greatly undervalued by society, and by the opposite sex in particular. I will make the claim now that not all men fall under this category, but sadly enough the majority do. For some reason the notion that a mans job trumps a woman's job as a mother has been such a complete historical disservice to society for way too long. I laugh when I write "women's job", because for some reason we've categorized "jobs" and "roles." Motherhood is often looked at as a role rather than a job, for many reasons, but I believe one of the greatest reason is that it is viewed as subpar—not hard enough, or contributing enough—to that of a "real", "working", "paid income" job.
Funny because I believe all of the aforementioned titles I hold in being a mother are actual payingjobs in society— jobs that are valued, appreciated, and looked at as contributing to the economic welfare of society . . . and yet when I am going through the questionnaire to apply for a loan and asked what my job is, I have to reply "I'm just a stay at home mom" . . . funny.
I can't help but wonder if mothers got paid—and it's too damn bad that we don't —would we be as valued as men in the workforce. . . in other words, would I get the damn loan?
Stepping off my feminism soap box now, what are some ways men can show support in valuing the mother, wife, and home maker in their life?
1st: listen to this talk
2nd: Be on board with helping the woman in your life take time to care for herself—through reminders, support, encouragement, and time off (you get time off from your job 1-2 days a week, plus paid vacation, give her time off from her many jobs).
3rd: Be there to listen, provide affirmations that show support of her wearing the multiple hats she wears on a daily basis
4th: Give her a damn salary already (even if it is $20 bucks a month)—show her that you value her in some monetary way.
5th: Show up, be a apart of the show, and at various times plan the show
There are is so much more I could write about this subject and if time wasn't so limited I would. My only hope, however, is that one day women and mothers in particular get the amount of attention, praise, and value they deserve.
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The Unbalanced Life of a Woman/Mother
Having taken an evolutionary psychology class in college, I thought Libby's study and correlation of the evolution of women—post cavewoman—was so fascinating and spot on.
Why are we beating ourselves up, constantly comparing ourselves to others, trying to out do our best efforts, running faster than we are able (trying to wear all of these multiple hats at multiple times), being people that we are not just to add more credentials to our "resume," all at the expense of our health?
I think some times we fall prey to believing that if we stop to take care of ourselves, everything else in our lives will stop working—the house will fall apart, the children will turn into couch potatoes, and our husbands will think less of us, or even worse leave us, or cheat on us. But the ironic reality is we are our worst selves when we don't don't take time for ourselves and those things are bound to happen anyway because we have nothing to give . . . we are running on fumes.
It is time to value who we are. It is time to love ourselves enough that we take time for ourselves, that we breath, that we eat right, that we exercise, that we live our dreams, that we tap into our innate talents and gifts. Every one of us is so unique, every one of us has something beautiful to contribute to this world. Every one of us is needed. And that is why it is essential that you are YOU, that you do what it takes to be YOU; to THRIVE not merely SURVIVE, to BLOSSOM, to LIVE, to LAUGH, to find JOY, to CREATE, to BEAUTIFY, TO BREATH.
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