It really amazes me how they can be oblivious to the smoke that I am sure begins to steam out of my ears as they fight over that stupid stuffed cow. I would love to go get another one, just so they each have one, but of course they don't sell them anymore. Plus, I am trying not to get into the habit of buying them stuff just to make them happy. It's amazing how quickly I can feel my blood begin to boil when the kids start fighting, but something I read recently has made me really attempt to control my anger. Did you know that a new research study has been released that shows that Moms who get testy with their kids may actually permanently decrease their child's intelligence?
The researchers of this study, which was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, studied two groups of children and their mothers. They were put into a frustrating situation. The mothers and children were left a small room that had a shiny package on the table. They were told they could open the package, but only after the mother filled out all the forms. The Mothers had no idea they were being watched. Based on the behavior of the mothers, everyone was categorized everyone into two groups. This was observed: Half of the mothers either ignored their child or harshly scolded them. The other half were more nurturing and explained patiently to the children why they couldn’t open the package yet. The researchers also studied other factors over several years, such as medication use, traumatic life events, and maternal history of depressions.
They waited several years and brought everyone back in for MRI scans. The study showed that children with nurturing mothers had a larger hippocampus (area of the brain that controls short-term and long-term memory) by almost ten percent than the children whose mothers tended to scold in a harsh manner. In order to make sure their assumptions were correct on how they categorized everyone, they added the external variables (such as medications etc) as co-variates. This removed them from the equation and they found that 10% is such a large difference between the two, that maternal support, as found in the observations, had a P value of .0001. To a non-stats person, this means that there is over a 99% chance that this finding is valid. If the difference between the two had been say, only 5%, this study would likely have to been found to not been valid because the P value wouldn't have been so small. If you want to read more about the actual study, feel free to click here.
"It is to our knowledge the first study that links early maternal nurturance to the structural development of a key brain region," said study author Dr. Joan Luby, a professor of psychiatry at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis. "It provides very powerful evidence of the importance of early nurturing for healthy brain development and has tremendous public health implications."
"It is to our knowledge the first study that links early maternal nurturance to the structural development of a key brain region," said study author Dr. Joan Luby, a professor of psychiatry at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis. "It provides very powerful evidence of the importance of early nurturing for healthy brain development and has tremendous public health implications."
To me, this means that we, as parents, really can influence the development of our children, but researchers of this study do stress that occasionally losing your temper won’t cause the hippocampus to suddenly shrink.
Since I originally posted this, I have received a few comments that question whether this study is really accurate based on how they categorized the Moms. I will say that for me, science is science and the fact that they found a link means that they probably did categorize the Moms correctly. However, this really isn't the point. It's not like this study is saying we shouldn't eat vegetables or something crazy like that. It is simply saying that we should try harder to be patient if we can because truly, who doesn't want smarter kids? This has helped me tremendously in my daily life and I really hoped this might help other Moms too. Every time I feel myself start to lose my cool, I think about this study and it helps me take a deep breath. I guess you can kind of think of it like this: When people in movies (like First Wives Club, one of my favorite movies of all time) try to lose weight, they tape up a picture of a fat person on the fridge, to remind themselves not to eat too much. That's all I'm doing. I'm taping up a mental image of me yelling at my kids and I don't like the result so this helps me not yell. I know I'll regret it later. (And who knows, maybe by default I'll lose weight. I can always hope).
Since I originally posted this, I have received a few comments that question whether this study is really accurate based on how they categorized the Moms. I will say that for me, science is science and the fact that they found a link means that they probably did categorize the Moms correctly. However, this really isn't the point. It's not like this study is saying we shouldn't eat vegetables or something crazy like that. It is simply saying that we should try harder to be patient if we can because truly, who doesn't want smarter kids? This has helped me tremendously in my daily life and I really hoped this might help other Moms too. Every time I feel myself start to lose my cool, I think about this study and it helps me take a deep breath. I guess you can kind of think of it like this: When people in movies (like First Wives Club, one of my favorite movies of all time) try to lose weight, they tape up a picture of a fat person on the fridge, to remind themselves not to eat too much. That's all I'm doing. I'm taping up a mental image of me yelling at my kids and I don't like the result so this helps me not yell. I know I'll regret it later. (And who knows, maybe by default I'll lose weight. I can always hope).
So, all that being said, If your kids get under your skin and you feel the need to snap at them, DON'T! Instead, listen to this advice from child expert, author and former Kindergarten teacher,Susan Case.
1. Try a little self talk: “I am the adult. I am a role model. I teach respect. I love my kids and they love me.”
2. Put the incident into perspective. Take a few deep breaths and ask yourself these questions:
-What difference will this make a year from now
-Can I let it go or let the child have his way?
-How is this making my child feel? How will I feel about this tomorrow?
-What difference will this make a year from now
-Can I let it go or let the child have his way?
-How is this making my child feel? How will I feel about this tomorrow?
3. Take some time to pamper yourself so you don't have such a short fuse. Go for walks, ask someone to babysit, indulge in your favorite reality TV show or take a bubble bath...whatever you enjoy, do it and don't feel guilty about it!
