Goals

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe." Anatone France

The first post might as well be something Mike and I have been discussing and trying to incorporate into our lives as of late: collective and individual goal setting. I know I could make a blog about each of these goals we are trying to achieve, but I am going to post them all here in one fell swoop.

I love this quote above; it denotes a belief in the greatness within ourselves, for how else could we set, or accomplish, “great” goals if we didn’t first believe WE are great?

These past few weeks I have tapped into my “greatness.” (BIG SIDE NOTE, which will probably become its own posting one day because it is a fascinating idea: knowing you are great does not mean you are prideful. God knows you are great, you were created great, you better start believing you are great).

Because I have started the journey of understanding and accepting my own greatness, I have truly been able to see the Lords hand in my life in overcoming fear, doubt, and low self-esteem.

Let me list our goals, and then briefly talk about some of the wonderful things/experiences I have been blessed with these past two weeks.

1) Change your focus

2) Look outside yourself, serve others (which ties into letting go of fears and insecurities)

3) Accept the things you cannot change; change the things you CAN

(These are, btw, goals we are trying to accomplish now, not at the beginning of the year—what an concept huh)?

Change your focus

What I mean by this is actually found in a motivational talk given by Anthony Robbins. I strongly encourage you to watch this short clip I will post (at the end).

Basically, if you focus on the negative your results will be negative; if you focus on the positive, your results will be positive (aka “law of attraction,” which is apart of the LDS belief system: “ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you.” It is a universal law).

How did I put it to practice; how did it work in my life? The last two weeks have been nothing short of a miracle. I have a hard time controlling the negative, especially when it comes to being critical of myself.  I have done this for so long that it has become a habit.  In order to break this habit I had to change my focus. Once I changed my focus, the positive things that I felt about myself started surfacing. The more I became consciously aware of the negative, the faster the turn around. Instead of dwelling on “what’s wrong with my life/myself,” I started seeing the greatness all around and within me. Having made this apart of my life for two weeks now, and seeing myself start to revert back, at moments, to the negative, I quickly stop myself and think: “I don’t want to go back, because I know the difference. I like my life so much better when I am positive.”

It may seem like a daunting task, but it is as easy, and as worthwhile, as shifting your focus, for what you focus on becomes your belief system. I will give you an example:

I kept telling myself that I was dumb academically; that I didn’t measure up to all of the other students at BYU. When I started to change that negative focus, started to “think myself smart,” a domino effect happened. Not only did my self-esteem increase dramatically (because my belief system had changed), but I also started to let go of my fear that pervaded that negative focus. Sharing my thoughts, opinions, and ideas in class, all of a sudden became second nature to me; I felt so much more gratification from not only learning from others but also sharing my knowledge.

Look outside yourself

This kind of ties into the first goal, but it differs as well. I have gained a belief in the power of overcoming your trials/fears by being less concerned with yourself than you are about others. I will give a personal example:

When I am not feeling good about myself, I let the fear of sharing myself with others, and being rejected by the people around me, become my focus. When I focus instead on other peoples needs, their possible fears or insecurities, my fears dissipate. In other words, you can’t be occupying two thoughts at the same time; if I want to get over my problems I have to focus on helping other people overcome their problems. Another example I can give that I am sure many can relate to: why are we afraid of speaking in public (more specific in bearing our testimony)? Essentially, we are afraid because we are thinking about ourselves (i.e. “Am I a good speaker?” “Do I have something on my face?” “Will I be eloquent in my address?” “Are my thoughts transparent?”).  

Solution: change your self-focus instead to “I have the opportunity to help other people;” “there may be someone here that is going through something hard, and something I say might trigger an answer for them."  How much easier would we overcome the fear of public speaking if we thought outside of our own concerns? There are so many other examples I can give, examples that allow no room for rationalization: every example could be applied to this goal.

There are trials in my life I have had to deal with, and prayed for deliverance from for many years. It is only after I learned this concept— looking outside of my own problems, fears, and insecurities, those trials became strengths.

Accept the things you cannot change; change the things you CAN

Funny, now that I am writing about these, I see how all three goals interrelate.

This is something I want to practice in my life so I can one day teach it to my children (how much heartache they could save themselves from if they learned this lesson).

The goal is pretty self-explanatory, so I will only give examples—one of my own life, and one of a future scenario with a child. This is going to be such a trivial example, but that is what this blog is about: the less important things in life that are in fact important to us.

Example: I can’t change my skin or how it re-acts, or how my body is composed (through my family genes), so instead of being frustrated, or down about it, and letting the things I CANNOT change consume me, I accept them and move on (have a pity party for 10 minutes, of course, in order to validate my feelings/emotions, because that is important for every girl, and then move on).  I CAN, however, change my eating habits; I can drink more water; I can be more healthy; I can control my stress levels; I can control my perspective—these are things I have control of.

Example for kids: they can’t control what people say about them; they can’t control others actions or reactions (whether they are accepted by the “in” crowd).  They can control, however, their behavior; they can control their attitude; they can control how involved they are, etc.

This can be applied to anything, from not being able to control the economy but controlling your own economy; from not being able to control the outcome of a presidential election, but going out and placing your vote. The examples are endless.

SUMMARY: Make a list of the things that are on your mind, the concerns you have; divide them into two categories: “CAN CONTROL,” and “CAN NOT CONTROL.” If your list reveals you are concerned with things you CAN’T change or have NO control over, let them go (remember there are only TWO options: acceptance or frustration); if the list shows you are concerned with things that CAN be changed, with things you CAN control, make goals to accomplish those things.

Mike and I both find these goals, or maybe I should term them habits, worth pursuing and hopefully mastering one day. Hopefully they gave you some ideas to incorporate in your life. 


What are your goals?

Motivational Clip—change your focus: