You've Got This Mama

My children think I'm beautiful...no matter my mistakes and flaws, they think I'm imperfectly perfect...if they could choose to hang around with any one all day, everyday, it would be me (or their dad). To them succeeding is loving them, tickling them, wrestling them, really looking them in the eyes—getting down on their level— reading them 1 more book at bedtime, surprising them with Saturday donuts or a weekend getaway to the beach, showering them with compliments and kisses, dressing up as a Power Ranger for Halloween...

Sometimes (okay let's get real, most of the time), we beat ourselves up as moms, thinking "oh if I'd only reacted this way;" if I'd only done it that way;" "if I was only a little bit more like that mom..." We all feel those feelings and it's all OKAY because it shows that we endlessly love and that we want to do better. The problem is when those voices in our head suffocate us; debilitate us so that we are more consumed by what we are NOT doing instead of noticing the endless "awesome mom" tally marks our children are giving us on a daily basis. We must be careful not to allow those voices to snuff out the candle of everything beautiful and illuminating about us in the eyes of our children.  They love us. They forgive us—relentlessly. They think we are SUPER mom. And you know what is so beautiful about their SIMPLE way of loving? Their ability to see us as personifying perfection? PRESENCE. It's all they need; it's all they really crave: simply being present. It is within those moments of truly being present that I see myself as they see me; that I accept myself for all of my beauty and all of my flaws; and that I feel within myself "they were born to YOU—for all of your beautiful uniqueness and ways of doing things—for a purpose...you've got this MAMA"! 

The Family Proclamation

"The Proclamation of the family has become our bench mark for judging the philosophies of the world"

I felt inspired to listen to By Bonnie L. Oscarson Young Women General President 2015 conference talk. She did such a great job highlighting a few of the things within the proclamation that I feel are the most pertinent to defend in our society today. So we will listen to her talk and then discuss some things afterwards. 

TALK

What a privilege and joy to be a part of this marvelous assembly of girls and women. How blessed we are as women to be joined together this evening in unity and in love.

I recently read the story of Marie Madeline Cardon, who, with her family, received the message of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ from the first missionaries called to serve in Italy in 1850. She was a young woman of 17 or 18 years of age when they were baptized. One Sunday, while the family was holding a worship service in their home high in the Alps of northern Italy, an angry mob of men, including some of the local ministers, gathered around the house and began shouting, yelling, and calling for the missionaries to be brought outside. I don’t think they were anxious to be taught the gospel—they intended bodily harm. It was young Marie who marched out of the house to confront the mob.

They continued their vicious yells and demands for the missionaries to be brought out. Marie raised her Bible up in her hand and commanded them to depart. She told them that the elders were under her protection and that they could not harm one hair of their heads. Listen to her own words: “All stood aghast. … God was with me. He placed those words in my mouth, or I could not have spoken them. All was calm, instantly. That strong ferocious body of men stood helpless before a weak, trembling, yet fearless girl.” The ministers asked the mob to leave, which they did quietly in shame, fear, and remorse. The small flock completed their meeting in peace.1

Can’t you just picture that brave young woman, the same age as many of you, standing up to a mob and defending her newly found beliefs with courage and conviction?

Sisters, few of us will ever have to face an angry mob, but there is a war going on in this world in which our most cherished and basic doctrines are under attack. I am speaking specifically of the doctrine of the family. The sanctity of the home and the essential purposes of the family are being questioned, criticized, and assaulted on every front.

When President Gordon B. Hinckley first read “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” 20 years ago this year, we were grateful for and valued the clarity, simplicity, and truth of this revelatory document. Little did we realize then how very desperately we would need these basic declarations in today’s world as the criteria by which we could judge each new wind of worldly dogma coming at us from the media, the Internet, scholars, TV and films, and even legislators. The proclamation on the family has become our benchmark for judging the philosophies of the world, and I testify that the principles set forth within this statement are as true today as they were when they were given to us by a prophet of God nearly 20 years ago. 

May I point out something obvious? Life rarely goes exactly according to plan for anyone, and we are very aware that not all women are experiencing what the proclamation describes. It is still important to understand and teach the Lord’s pattern and strive for the realization of that pattern the best we can.

Each of us has a part to play in the plan, and each of us is equally valued in the eyes of the Lord. We should remember that a loving Heavenly Father is aware of our righteous desires and will honor His promises that nothing will be withheld from those who faithfully keep their covenants. Heavenly Father has a mission and plan for each of us, but He also has His own timetable. One of the hardest challenges in this life is to have faith in the Lord’s timing. It’s a good idea to have an alternative plan in mind, which helps us to be covenant-keeping, charitable, and righteous women who build the kingdom of God no matter which way our lives go. We need to teach our daughters to aim for the ideal but plan for contingencies.

During this 20th anniversary year of the family proclamation, I would like to issue a challenge for all of us as women of the Church to be defenders of “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” Just as Marie Madeline Cardon courageously defended the missionaries and her newly found beliefs, we need to boldly defend the Lord’s revealed doctrines describing marriage, families, the divine roles of men and women, and the importance of homes as sacred places—even when the world is shouting in our ears that these principles are outdated, limiting, or no longer relevant. Everyone, no matter what their marital circumstance or number of children, can be defenders of the Lord’s plan described in the family proclamation. If it is the Lord’s plan, it should also be our plan!

There are three principles taught in the proclamation which I think are especially in need of steadfast defenders. The first is marriage between a man and a woman. We are taught in the scriptures, “Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”2 For anyone to attain the fulness of priesthood blessings, there must be a husband and a wife sealed in the house of the Lord, working together in righteousness and remaining faithful to their covenants. This is the Lord’s plan for His children, and no amount of public discourse or criticism will change what the Lord has declared. We need to continue to model righteous marriages, seek for that blessing in our lives, and have faith if it is slow in coming. Let us be defenders of marriage as the Lord has ordained it while continuing to show love and compassion for those with differing views. 

The next principle which calls for our defending voices is elevating the divine roles of mothers and fathers. We eagerly teach our children to aim high in this life. We want to make sure that our daughters know that they have the potential to achieve and be whatever they can imagine. We hope they will love learning, be educated, talented, and maybe even become the next Marie Curie or Eliza R. Snow. 

Do we also teach our sons and daughters there is no greater honor, no more elevated title, and no more important role in this life than that of mother or father? I would hope that as we encourage our children to reach for the very best in this life that we also teach them to honor and exalt the roles that mothers and fathers play in Heavenly Father’s plan.

Our youngest daughter, Abby, saw a unique opportunity to stand as a defender of the role of mother. One day she got a notice from her children’s school that they were having Career Day presentations at the school. Parents were invited to send in an application if they wanted to come to school to teach the children about their jobs, and Abby felt impressed to apply to come and speak about motherhood. She didn’t hear back from the school, and when Career Day was getting close, she finally called the school, thinking they may have lost her application. The organizers scrambled around and found two teachers who agreed to have Abby come talk to their classes at the end of Career Day.

In her very fun presentation to the children, Abby taught them, among other things, that as a mother she needed to be somewhat of an expert in medicine, psychology, religion, teaching, music, literature, art, finance, decorating, hair styling, chauffeuring, sports, culinary arts, and so much more. The children were impressed. She finished by having the children remember their mothers by writing thank-you notes expressing gratitude for the many loving acts of service they received daily. Abby felt that the children saw their mothers in a whole new light and that being a mother or father was something of great worth. She applied to share again this year at Career Day and was invited to present to six classes.

Abby has said of her experience: “I feel like it could be easy in this world for a child to get the sense that being a parent is a secondary job or even sometimes a necessary inconvenience. I want every child to feel like they are the most important priority to their parent, and maybe telling them how important being a parent is to me will help them realize all that their parents do for them and why.”

Our beloved prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, is a wonderful example of honoring women and motherhood, especially his own mother. In reference to our earthly mothers, he has said: “May each of us treasure this truth; one cannot forget mother and remember God. One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and [our earthly] mother, partners in creation, in love, in sacrifice, in service, are as one.”3

The last principle we need to stand and defend is the sanctity of the home. We need to take a term which is sometimes spoken of with derision and elevate it. It is the term homemaker. All of us—women, men, youth, and children, single or married—can work at being homemakers. We should “make our homes” places of order, refuge, holiness, and safety. Our homes should be places where the Spirit of the Lord is felt in rich abundance and where the scriptures and the gospel are studied, taught, and lived. What a difference it would make in the world if all people would see themselves as makers of righteous homes. Let us defend the home as a place which is second only to the temple in holiness. 

Sisters, I am grateful to be a woman in these latter days. We have opportunities and possibilities which no other generation of women has had in the world. Let us help build the kingdom of God by standing up boldly and being defenders of marriage, parenthood, and the home. The Lord needs us to be brave, steadfast, and immovable warriors who will defend His plan and teach the upcoming generations His truths.

I bear witness that Heavenly Father lives and loves each of us. His Son, Jesus Christ, is our Savior and Redeemer. I leave this testimony with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

1. Read family proclamation p 1:

We, The FirST PreSidenCy and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of his children. 

Joseph f smith said "God instituted marriage in the beginning. He made man in his own image and likeness, male and female, and in their creation it was designed that they should be united together in sacred bonds of marriage and one is not perfect without the other. 

Elder Hugh B brown said that the family concept is one of the major and most important of the whole theological doctrine. In fact, our very concept of heaven itself is the projection of the home into eternity. Salvation, then, is essentially a family affair, and full participation in the plan of salvation can be had only in family units. 

"Since that is true, everything we do should have celestial marriage as its focus and purpose."

How can we be defenders of marriage? 

What if we are single? 

Having gone through a divorce and being the RS Pres in my singles ward and listening to other sisters that had gone through a divorce, I think sometimes this can be a sensitive subject because maybe through no fault of their own they cannot experience this traditional family unit that the church praises and encourages. 

I love what a sister said about being a single parent: 

When we marry, it is with the intent to stay married. Yet many families experience the heartbreak of divorce or death. Other parents function as if they were single, for all practical purposes, because of abandonment or because their spouses face disability, addiction, mental illness, or other circumstances. Much of that heartbreak is experienced by our children.

Fortunately, we have this promise in Isaiah:

“For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee.

“In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer. …

“For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee” (Isa. 54:7–8, 10).

I believe God supports single parents not only for our own sakes but also for the sake of that sacred calling which He knows we cannot accomplish alone. We have a supremely important work to do, because although for the time being we are no longer wives or husbands, we are still mothers or fathers, and our work has eternal significance."

Time and the Single Parent

By Frances E. Warden

1. Moving on to how we can be defenders of our roles as husband and wife or if we are single, as mother and father. 

Any thoughts?

I love what Sister Oscarson said before she gave the example of her daughter going to the school for career day to talk about motherhood. 

"Do we also teach our sons and daughters there is no greater honor, no more elevated title, and no more important role in this life than that of mother or father? I would hope that as we encourage our children to reach for the very best in this life that we also teach them to honor and exalt the roles that mothers and fathers play in Heavenly Father’s plan."

I never really thought of proactively teaching my kids this, I think I kind of thought that they'd just pick up on it but I know I can do better at praising their dad when he's away and working and letting them know how grateful I am that he works to provide all that we have. I can also do better at letting them know that I'm so grateful that I have the chance to be at home with them, and to fulfill all of these titles as ---- daughter mentioned: chef, psychologist, doctor, homemaker, educator, etc. And if the roles are different in your home, highlighting those roles--it doesn't matter our home configuration, it matters that They see us enjoying our roles as mom, husband, father and wife and that they learn that there is great significance in these roles and it's what they should aspire too. 

I absolutely love this quote President Monson shared: 

“May each of us treasure this truth; one cannot forget mother and remember God. One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and [our earthly] mother, partners in creation, in love, in sacrifice, in service, are as one.” What a divine calling anyone should aspire to. 

1. How can we defend the sanctity of the home? How can we "make our homes” places of order, refuge, holiness, and safety?"

One thought I had Is to make our home a distinct place that is different from the world so our children can feel that it is a place of safety, and sanctity. 

I think a great way to show the world that we are defenders of the home is through service. Show forth love and serve others who maybe differ from our viewpoint, as a family. This will teach our children that they can still love and accept others while standing up for their own beliefs. 

There is so much brokenness within the family unit today; I think the world could benefit from seeing a united family unit serving together in unity and love. 

The stake presidency wanted me to relay to you that asking us to read the proclamation, study it, memorize it was inspired. The promise to us is that if we live by these principles we will be protected and safe guarded from all of the ways that the world is seeking to attack and destroy the family 

I hope we can all take a moment this week to read over this inspired proclamation--use it as your FHE this week. There's a reason we have been asked to study it and memorize it. It was inspired for our day just as much, if not more, than the day it was written. 

Peace in a Troubled World

A talk I gave in Sacrament

Sacrament lesson

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:26–27).

Peace has been a topic that has heavily been on my mind the past month. It's a state of being that I've been trying to master off and on for about a year. It's a concept I've been trying to help my oldest understand and to adopt in our home--which has proved to be one of the most difficult aspirations, because let's face it, it's hard when you are raising 2 toddlers that could not have more disagreeable interactions with each other on a daily basis. 

It's also been a lot harder to feel peace as I've been tuning into the news--which really highlights the anthesis of peace--turmoil, fear, hate, anger, pain. 

And so as I've mulled this subject over and over in my mind--trying to break it down as to where peace comes from, where it needs to reside and how to navigate towards a more peaceful state of living--Ive realized that in order to live and maintain a more peaceful life, peace needs to first come from within, 2nd it needs to reside within the walls of our home, and 3rd it needs to be felt no matter what happens externally, in other words it needs to be felt in the world around us. 

Before I jump into the three areas wherein we need to work on maintaining peace, I think it's important to first clarify WHERE peace comes from. 

Isiah 9:6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

Out of all of the Saviors titles this is one of my favorites: Prince of Peace, for as the angels further declared at his birth:  "glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men", Luke 2:14. The Savior is the author of peace. And hopefully I'll be able to paint a broader picture of how through him we can feel peace within ourselves, our home, and the world. 

1st Peace needs to come from within: 

Richard Scott April 2013 

"Many voices from the world in which we live tell us we should live at a frantic pace. There is always more to do and more to accomplish. Yet deep inside each of us is a need to have a place of refuge where peace and serenity prevail, a place where we can reset, regroup, and reenergize to prepare for future pressures."

We know that there is a battle raging for the souls of men. If Satan can get us to fall prey to sin, to feel feelings of stress, inadequacy, feel as though we are not good enough, that we don't have enough, than he's won. All of these feelings lead us further and further away from peace--and the author of that peace, which is Jesus Christ. 

???So how do we as Elder Scott said, reset, regroup and re-energize? 

Multiple times in the scriptures the Savior set himself apart from the things that were going on around him to regroup and to reenergize. We find him not only slowing down to assess situations, but also taking time to be still, to meditate, to be in communion with God so he could more fully reflect on such qualities as humility, patience, strength, love, and obviously peace.  One of my favorite examples is in the Book of Mormon when the Savior came to visit the people. 

3 nephi 17: 

13 And it came to pass that when they had all been brought, and Jesus stood in the midst, he commanded the multitude that they should kneel down upon the ground.

14 And it came to pass that when they had knelt upon the ground, Jesus groaned within himself, and said: Father, I am troubled because of the wickedness of the people of the house of Israel.

15 And when he had said these words, he himself also knelt upon the earth; and behold he prayed unto the Father, and the things which he prayed cannot be written, and the multitude did bear record who heard him.

Overcome by the wickedness of the people and turmoil it caused him within, the first thing he did was pray on behalf of these people and you know what that prayer did? 

18 And it came to pass that when Jesus had made an end of praying unto the Father, he arose; but so great was the joy of the multitude that they were overcome.

His prayer restored peace not only within the Savior but within the congregation. 

Not only do I feel it is so very important for us to detach ourselves from things that are constantly distracting us, enticing us with things of the world, and deterring us from feeling peace.....but I feel it's vitally important to proactively do the things in our lives that create and restore peace. 

Take moments to detach from technology, to be in nature, to meditate, to be in communion with God. Prayer is one of the most powerful ways that we can seek Gods wisdom, his direction for our life, and to consistently make sure we are living with the right perspective! 

Also, through prayer and mediation we can ask God to bring to our minds the things that are disturbing our peace, just as Christ did when he was in turmoil about the sins of the people. Some of the answers we receive may be answers we don't like--maybe there are some sins--big or small-- that are inhibiting us from feeling peace. 

But as Elder Scott said: 

" if we trust in God and have a desire to feel more peace within, we will do what we need to do to rectify those things. 

And once we do rectify those sins, we need to believe in the power of the atonement--that they are wiped clean (something I think many struggle with most after the repentance process). 

"To continue to suffer when there has been proper repentance is not prompted by the Savior but the master of deceit, whose goal is to bind and enslave you. Satan will press you to continue to relive the details of past mistakes, knowing that such thoughts make forgiveness seem unattainable. In this way Satan attempts to tie strings to the mind and body so that he can manipulate you like a puppet." Which ultimately robs us of peace. 

Once we cleanse ourselves of inner turmoil--through repentance--and take moments to detatch ourselves from things that are interrupting our peace, we need to seek to have that same feeling of peace within our home. 

Peace in the home

Elder Scott: 

"Some homes have a father who is a worthy priesthood holder joined by a faithful, devoted mother who together lead in righteousness. Many homes have a different configuration. Regardless of your circumstances, you can center your home and your life on the Lord Jesus Christ, for He is the source of true peace in this life."

"I’m sure you can identify the fundamental principles that center your home on the Savior. The prophetic counsel to have daily personal and family prayer, daily personal and family scripture study, and weekly family home evening are the essential, weight-bearing beams in the construction of a Christ-centered home. Without these regular practices it will be difficult to find the desired and much-needed peace and refuge from the world."

Every home is different so what you put into practice will be different.  I know for our family taking time to meditate, listen to positive affirmations each morning, reading the scriptures at breakfast, listening to good music when tension starts to build, even just wrestling or having a good sense of humor--things that seem so little but are actually so big--restore peace in our home. 

Richard Scott: 

"Remember: little things lead to big things. Seemingly insignificant indiscretions or neglect can lead to big problems. More importantly, simple, consistent, good habits lead to a life full of bountiful blessings."  And that's why we keep hearing year after year the same things: read your scriptures, go to church, go to the temple, repent, pray, have FHE....these little acts need to become habitual so we feel more peace on a daily basis. 

I know first hand that peace is something we have to pro-actively work on establishing Day in and day out. It's not an event we wait for--the 30 seconds out of the week when our kids triumphantly get along, the moment when we finally pay off our debt--it's a daily feeling we have to consistently work towards. 

Which leads me to the last place we need to feel peace: in this world. 

Peace in the world 

Peace is mentioned 

It's no wonder that it's mentioned so many times in these ancient, inspired texts--look at the world we live in today, I can't think of a higher power other than love, that this world is more deficient in, than peace. 

Many in the world today--I've been at fault thinking this way as well--think there is no way we can feel peace in this world. But that's a deception Satan wants us to fall prey to. Because when we fall prey to it we not only lose hope and become apathetic, we give up the fight of becoming peacemakers. 

Going back to the scripture I opened my talk with: The Savior told his disciples,  Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:26–27).

One could spend days studying and dissecting this one verse because it's such a profound and some what foreign concept to us. Peace? Where is peace in this world? 

Some could interpret the Saviors bestowal upon his disciples as a physical peace he left his disciples, which I believe is true-they had a certain kind of peaceful power with them when he was gone. But I also interpret it as him saying, "I lived in the world like you--a place that is the antithesis of peace--but I've left my example for you, and it's an example unlike the other examples you are going to see in the world. As long as you follow me, you'll have no need to fear--peace can be felt in everything you do. And then what's amazing is that the greatest trials of the Saviors life came after he shared this concept of peace with his disciples. 

Just to share a few examples of the Savior enacting peace

First and foremost, the atonement--the most excruciating, painful thing, both mentally and physically, that any man on earth has had to experience, causing the Savior himself to bleed from every pore, to feel the pains, the turmoil, the sins of every human being that's ever lived on earth. In D&C Christ says it was so painful that it even caused him to nearly give up. But again he felt peace in that most excruciating moment because he was in communion with God thus enabling him to remember why he was doing it--so that we would not have to bear our own sins. Yet amidst it all he felt peace--for in his own words "father not my will but thine be done". 

Even when he was being questioned by Pilot who told him he could release him and asked him what had he to speak about the matter...he could have said what he needed to say to be released, he could have used his power, but he was quiet, he knew his mission, he knew there was purpose in his crucifixtion and he was at peace. 

And then you think of him being humiliated, beat, spit upon, having to carry his own cross, and being crucified...he had peace in every single one of those moments as manifest by his beautiful temperament--he didn't Lash out in anger, he wasn't vengeful or full of hate. In fact of those who crucified him, he prayed "father forgive them for they know not what they do".  

Just as the Saviors ministry exemplified, there are going to be trials, weaknesses, pain, that are placed upon us just by living in this world. But There is purpose in our trials and weaknesses. There are lessons to be learned that we could never learn in our perfected state. 

However, just as the Savior also exemplified, we can feel peace no matter the circumstance. Yes, we can feel peace when a war is raging, when we are being mocked and ridiculed, when others try to bully us, or be hateful towards us....we can feel peace as we seek to forgive those who've wronged us. 

I love love this quote because to me it's the truest summary of peace and it epitomizes the example of our Savior: 

My hope and prayer for us all is that we take a moment this week to do some inward reflection--through meditation and prayer on what things we need to change to feel more peace within and then to have the courage to make those changes. To make a list and be proactive with that list of things that we can do to feel more peace within the walls of our own home. And then to go out into this world with the example of our Savior--the Prince of Peace--at the forefront of our minds, especially when we are in the midst of turmoil and trial and know that "He will help us through our difficulties, whatever they may be, for as the Psalmist provided us this assurance: ‘Weeping may endure for a night, but joy (and I might add peace) cometh in the morning’