Be Here Now

“Be here now”. Stop, slow down, live in the moment, breathe, be here now.  This advice resonates with my mothering soul but my reality— the seemingly never ending, some times overwhelming, and yes often redundant tasks of keeping up with the speed needed to take care of four little running, messy, and falling feet— keeps me from “being here now.” It seems as though time and tasks are never on my side; my attention is never equally engaging enough or equally split enough between two boys. 

Glancing through old videos and pictures, feeling the surges of guilt course through my veins as I think back on all of the quiet, connected, in the moment moments I had with my first born, makes me realize there is nothing I long for more than to have my boys remember their mother as engaging, educating, energetic, and enlightening; than to have those moments with both of my boys—individually and collectively.

And so when that moment came for me to “fill that empty bucket,” I FILLED IT. 

I was fortunate to have that moment given to me when my husband had to attend a wedding out of state and decided to take our youngest son with him.  Although I missed my little towhead, blue eyed boy dearly, I was giddy thinking about these 4 days that would give back to me those quiet, connecting, in the moment moments with my first born.

The past four days have been life changing for both my little man and me. It was a gift to be able to have time slow down and be able to realize, all over again, just how incredible this little human being really is; to be able to enjoy him for everything that makes him unique and beautiful to me—to be reminded of all of the talents, awareness’s, strengths, and gifts he brings into my life.  

I think he had the best four days of his life; I have never seen him so happy.  I have never heard him say so many times “you’re the best mom in the world!” “I love having fun with you mom”; “this is the best day ever!” I have never received so many spontaneous, genuine hugs and kisses. And I have never felt so stress free and so completely recharged as a mother.

I made sure to document every thing we did so he and I could one day look back and remember that we had those in the moments moments, to remember there were times of connectedness, times of nothing but FUN, times of engagement, times of laughter, times of undivided attention and love.  Coming out of these four days I realize just how much I want to be proactive in making this a tradition—for my husband and I to have alone time with each of our kids; to connect with them, to let them know we love them, appreciate them, and SEE them as individuals. 

The second epiphany I had (forgetting what it was like to only have one child) is that although there are less spots on my floor, less handprints on my wall, less poop on my hands, less laundry to do, less crying and whining, less mouths to feed, less dishes to scrub . . . there is also more emptiness, more laughter missing, more learning and experiences to be had, and more love waiting to be given.  And so although this alone time with my big boy was the highlight of my month, I look forward to loving on my little munchkin and being a mother to four little running, messy, falling feet.  I look forward to proactively trying to take the moments for what they are (small, great, few and far between) and know that  “being here now” is met in those ordinary mother/son moments of engagement, education, energy, and enlightenment.