The 10 Most Irritating, Least Helpful Parenting Tips Ever

Mike saw this on face book and sent it to me.  I thought it was so hilarious yet true; something good to remember for new moms to be.

I have nothing against friends and family offering advice when you come to them with a dilemma. It's the people who pipe up, unbidden, because they see you with a child and assume you have no idea what you're doing. Too often these people are elderly great-aunts. Fortunately those ladies are afraid of the Internet, so I can rail against them and they'll be none the wiser! Thanks, ladies.

1. "Sleep now, because once that baby comes you'll never sleep again." Technically this is a pregnancy tip, of course, but I'm shoving it in here anyway. Yes, Great-Aunt Hildy, I will sleep throughout my entire third trimester. Because I am part bear.

2. "Sleep when the baby sleeps." Everyone gives you this one — annoying relatives, pediatricians, the cashier at the drugstore where you were buying newborn diapers. Are these people all robots, capable of instantly dropping off to sleep whenever their child is unconscious? Do they not have other things to do, like bathe, or simply relish the rare moments of silence you get when you have an infant?

Read more from Alice Bradley on << The Motherboard Blog >>

3. "I think your baby's hungry." Whether you're nursing or bottle-feeding, everyone assumes you don't know how to feed your child. And every time your child cries, whines, grimaces, or squirms, they are going to assume you are starving your poor baby and you need reminders to feed it. Lest you forget! This advice is especially maddening when they turn out to be correct.

4. "Relish every moment of your baby's first years, because they'll be grown before you know it." You mean, time only moves forward? I had no idea! I thought we'd be like this forever and ever! This sort of advice, obvious and innocuous as it seems, always put me on the defensive, as if I had just been carrying my baby under my arm like a football, muttering, "Grow up already, why don't you. Just GROW UP."
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5. "I hope you're sleep training that child. Do you WANT him to be spoiled?" Oh, distant relative/person whose aisle I shared at the supermarket, I'm so glad you know exactly my child needs. And that you know, from your years of scientific research, that any child not allowed to cry it out will be a horrible waste of flesh!
(See #6 for this parenting tip's counterpart.)

6. "I hope you're not doing that 'crying it out' thing. It's so barbaric. Enjoy your baby all through the night!" Again, kudos to you, whoever you are, for knowing what's best for our unique family situation! I will be calling you at 4 a.m., so you can enjoy our baby as well.
Related: The Best Mom Moments of All Time


7. "Why are you bringing your child outside when it's so cold out?" It never ceased to amaze me that, no matter what my child's age, total strangers will express alarm and revulsion that I dared expose him to the elements. "And WHY ISN'T BE WEARING MITTENS? He's going to get consumption!"

8. "Your child isn't really sad/angry/injured. He's just manipulating you." There's no doubt that children can push our buttons as if they've had professional training in it, but the notion that my kid's authentic feelings are in fact manufactured to elicit a reaction really chaps my hide. If that were always true, he'd be a pint-sized sociopath.  I'm pretty sure that's not the case.
Related: Read 7 Hilarious Tantrum Tales Here

9. "Schools are just glorified prisons. If you loved your child, you'd homeschool." Oh, if only I loved my child enough to abandon my livelihood, tear him away from the community he so enjoys, separate him from the professionals who have dedicated their careers to childhood education, and forced him to stay home all day with me, where we'd be at each other's throats for hours! If only! Please note: I am not opposed to homeschooling, at all — in fact I wish it would work for us, but it would not.

10. "If I were you, I'd just—" OH NO YOU DON'T. I know where this is going. Listen, unnamed distant acquaintance who last parented in the 19th century (it's true — I often get my unwanted advice from ghosts) you don't know diddly about my kid, and our relationship, and what works for us.

A Lesson for Parents: Fair Punishment

A little lesson learning story about parenting that I heard today and thought served as a good inspirational reminder:

When Dean was four years old his dad decided it was time to buy the family a new car.  Cars didn't come easy back in that day so getting one for the family was a big deal.  Dad loaded the family in the new car, proud to take them all for a new spin. With windows down, the children waving their arms out the window, and dad's arm wrapped around mom in the front seat with his other hand on the wheel, the family was "happy."  This state of happiness lasted a short while before mom asked dad why he didn't buy a white car?  Dad started getting a little upset, telling mom that this purchase was hard to come by and he did the best he could.  Mom wasn't pleased.  Pretty soon silence evaded the car, mom scooted over as far as she could to the passenger side of the car, and the happiness that once prevailed had dissipated.  Dean was deeply troubled about his parents arguing; he decided he'd take matters into his own hands and solve the problem.

Before his mother called him out of bed the next morning for school Dean snuck down stairs into the garage where their new car was parked. He'd seen his dad use a screw driver to open cans of paint, and that is just what Dean did, he opened a brand new can of shiny WHITE paint. "This," he thought, "is sure to fix the problem, now everyone will get what they want and be happy again."  He proceeded to paint the fender and side of the car when his mother, after searching all over the house for him, found him in the garage.  He looked at her and beamed until she let out a scream: "Dean, what have you done!"  Confused that his mom wasn't happy, he followed orders and went to retrieve a branch from their cherry tree in the backyard so mom could give him his punishment. He never did get to explain why he decided to paint the car white in the first place.

Oh the precious mind and heart of a four year old.  If only Deans parents had taken the time to ask him why he had decided to paint the car, a lot of confusion and heartache could have been saved. Hopefully we can all learn this lesson as parents: allow children to communicate their feelings and their mind process before extending the appropriate punishment.

Character of God

Mike felt inspired to send this to his family, something we talked about last night laying bed.  I thought it was equally valuable to share with everyone here. 


Amanda and I were laying in bed and talking after we had read the scriptures and we had an interesting conversation.  We were talking about trials and blessings and where they come from.  Through talking, I realized that I've had a misconception about where and why trials and blessings come.  I thought back to various experiences and trials I've gone through and remember thinking, "Why is God not blessing me?" or "Why do I HAVE to go through this?'.  I realized that somewhere along the line, I developed a belief that God withholds blessing from us or puts us through things--that he doesn't want me to be rich or wealthy.  I remember times when I've wanted to be making more money and thinking, "Why isn't God blessing me?"  

Over the past few months my beliefs about God and my understanding of God's character and will has changed.  And talking the other night with Amanda it all hit me and became clear.  The lack of success we are having in life isn't because of God. God isn't sitting up in Heaven saying, "Nope, I'm not going to bless you yet. Just don't think you're doing enough." God wants to bless us--he wants us to have all the money and success the world has to offer.  What good are we to the Lord if we can never reach outside of ourselves and make a difference in the lives of others because we are so consumed with just getting by and making ends meet?  Think about how much of an impact we can have in the world if we can focus on sharing the Saviors love with others by serving and giving to those in need. (That's not to say we can't serve and make a difference just because of our financial circumstance--we can) We can be so much more useful to the Lord if we don't have to spend so much time worrying and working just to support ourselves.  Therefore it makes sense that He would want to bless us financially and temporally.  So why doesn't He?  

The Lord is perfect, just and honest.  He is bound by certain laws.  He cannot bless us if we don't do our part--it's impossible.  If he did bless us when we didn't deserve a blessing he would cease to be God.  The universe runs by these laws--nothing can operate or achieve it's purpose unless it follows the law related to it.  So what it comes down to is our own lack of FAITH or BELIEF or even our lack of knowledge or understanding.  Over and over again in the scriptures it talks about faith and how if we have even the smallest amount of faith we can do and achieve all things.  God is the one talking in the scriptures and he is telling us how to be successful--"BELIEVE that you can be and that I will bless and guide you and you will be".  He said it, it's TRUE and he has to bless us when we do what he says.  He has to!  So when we sit back and look at our life and think, "Maybe God is trying to teach me something and that's why He's not blessing us." we're wrong.  God isn't trying to teach us He's just waiting for us to BELIEVE in Him.  He's probably just sitting there and thinking, "C'mon, I want to bless you.  I'm not intentionally withholding blessings from you.  I want to give you everything you want and desire that is good--but I can't until you show me some FAITH and take ACTION.  Do your part dummy--so I can do mine."  And because of free will God isn't going to intervene and make you do something.  He's not going to come down and talk with you face to face and teach you how to be wealthy.  But He will inspire you, and speak to you through the Spirit.  But if we never follow the guidance by taking action He can't and won't bless us.  

Well how do we know if we are being guided by the spirit or if it's just our thoughts?  Half the time we don't.  The key is to take action.  As long as your thought or inspiration is good and will lead to potentially positive results, MOVE!  If it's not guidance from the Lord it will fall through or something will come up and you will know.  As long as you are being prayerful along the way and truly seeking guidance from the Lord things will work out the way they should.  But if we never take action or work towards our own future success we show NO faith or belief and can't be blessed.  So we have to be pro active and try new things.  We have to make things happen.  It's up to us not God.  God will bless us along the way and lead and inspire us...but it's up to US to make it happen.  

Right now Amanda and I are trying to figure out what to do for work and income.  I don't want to go out for the summer with a brand new baby.  We don't want to leave our ward and our callings.  We have no idea what the Lord wants us to do.  We don't know what's going to happen this summer.  But we've been coming up with numerous ideas and working on putting those ideas into an income.  I've been reading a book called, "The Four Hour Work Week" and learning how to create a business and a better lifestyle and I know something is going to come from all this.  We are on the verge of something GREAT!  I don't know what it will be but I feel it coming.  I'm creating a painting line.  Amanda and I are writing a book.  I'm creating a sales training website.  We have an idea for a diet/nutrition meal program.  I am knocking twice a week.  And we have a few other things.  So as you can see, we are working on a lot of things.  I don't know what will happen or what we'll be inspired to do.  But what I've realized is that as long as I'm doing my part and being pro active in coming up with ideas, working, creating new businesses or products the Lord has to bless us.  He said he would and will...He wants to so bad but we have to make things happen and BELIEVE in Him and his desire to bless us so that He can.

Don't let Satan persuade you to have fear.  Don't let him distort your idea or perception of God.  God loves us all,  he cares about us and wants us to be successful in all areas of life. And he wants us to be positive influences on the world and be able to help and share his love and abundance with all those in need.  

Maybe you guys have a clear understanding of God and the way he blesses us but I didn't.  So I just wanted to share my experience with you because it was enlightening and hopeful. Show God you truly have faith and believe by taking action!  Let's make 2011 one of the best years ever!  LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Mike 

Living with a Grateful Attitude

Mike found this great article and sent it to me today; it is such a good reminder.  Money can't buy happiness, and it is when we get wrapped up in trying to accumulate more and more wherein the important things in life start to slip.  It is also important to remember why we are trying to accumulate money, is it to bless other people's lives or merely gratify our own wants and needs?  We will never truly be happy until we start living with a bigger heart, desiring to help and serve those around us, and making sure our priorities are in order.

Breanna Sampson, "Learning to Be Content", Ensign, Feb. 2011, 62

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Satan is not to be underestimated. He can make a rich man miserable and a poor man proud. Money and material possessions should have little bearing on our happiness and attitudes, yet Satan can often convince us otherwise. I realized this was a problem for me after my husband and I purchased our first home.

A short time after we moved in, my initial excitement faded as I began to see the flaws of our home and feel discontented. Many of my friends had much larger homes decorated in such appealing styles as to make our home seem small, plain, and wanting. I found myself making comparisons and feeling that I came up short.

During one of my more intense periods of disgruntlement, a couple in our ward invited us to join them for family home evening. When we arrived at their home I felt the anticipated pang of jealousy at the sight of their large, new home in which little had been forgone. What I had notanticipated was the conversation I had with the wife that evening. She mentioned their unhappiness with their home and their desire to find something a little bigger to better suit their needs. I was astounded! How could someone who had so much not realize how lucky she was? I would give anything to live in this gorgeous home—and she was unhappy! How could she not appreciate what she had?

As I later reflected on her comments and my reaction in turn, the Spirit gave me a very profound insight: I was no different from my friend whom I so strongly envied. We had been blessed to purchase a beautiful house that many, many people would be overjoyed to live in. The problem was not with the house—it was with me.

Instead of focusing on what I had, I could only see what I lacked. Instead of gratitude for blessings, I chose jealousy and greed. From the moment that I realized whose influence had been tainting my perspective, I made the choice to never let Satan sway me in such a worldly direction again. I realized then, as I do now, that if we cannot be contented with our current lives and possessions, then we are feeding an appetite that no amount of money will ever satiate. Jacob addressed this desire for wealth in his day by counseling us to seek first the kingdom of God and a hope in Christ; then if we are blessed with riches we will use them to “do good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted” (Jacob 2:18–19). I know that as we keep our hearts full of gratitude and our desires turned to God, we will be blessed with a sense of peace and contentment unknown to those of the world.

And that is something money can never buy.